Dear Ashton Kutcher,
While on your Dr. Evil ego quest to collect “1 Million Followers” on the Twitter, you claimed you were going to “ding dong ditch” Ted Turners house. Ordinarily, I would just let this go, writing it off as more ramblings from your bloated sense of self, but I fear you do not know whom you were referring to.
Ted Turner, to put it bluntly, has more money than God. The man invented cable news and colorized Casablanca. To put it bluntly, he could buy and sell your sorry ass.
So, put down the champagne, take off that stupid hat, and realize you’re a B list celebrity married to a woman who was famous while you were still wearing underoos.
Signed,
Reality.
