Dear Rules4men.com
On a scale of 1 to Douchebag, your site ranks somewhere around “The secretly gay frat boy jock who’d hit a woman for insulting his pookah shell necklace”. To put that in simpler terms, you’re fucking retarded. Your site appears to be some misguided collection of “guidelines” on how to be a “man”, urging the reader to “act like you got a pair”. Sadly your image of the modern male is both tragic and hysterically wrong in literally all possible ways. Instead of offering worthwhile advice that will lead to a successful, intelligent, well-rounded man, your site aims to keep men at the level of “guys”, aka misogynistic assholes who view women as sex toys and other men as threats to their sexuality. I couldn’t quite make it through all the “rules” on your site, about 20 minutes in I threw up in my mouth and had to leave the room, but let’s sample some of the more enlightening passages from your tome of sage wisdom.
Keep in mind, every one of these opinions is a fail in the test of life.
#46. “It is ok to hate someone simply for not liking their face.”
See, right off the bat you’re being a dick. That statement makes everyone around you dumber.
#128. “Completely disregard anything your girlfriend says about pornography.”
… unless she says “I want you to view pornography.” right?
#208. “Saying yes is a sign of weakness”
Ok, that one doesn’t even make sense.
#28. “Hug between men must always start with a handshake and can at no point become a two-arm embrace.”
Yeah, cause huggin’s gay. You ain’t gay is ya?
#109. “All men shall add 2 inches to their penis size when talking about it”
So wait. Hugging makes you gay but talking to each other about your penises is manly?
#234. “Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis”
Now is that before or after you add the mandatory 2 inches?
#23. “Women can’t drive.”
Oh now come on, how is that a “rule”?
#96. “If you pay for dinner, you are entitled to sex.”
Unless you’re with a prostitute, in which case you can just pay her up front.
#317 “If a man NEEDS to use an umbrella, he won’t share it with another man. If he is sharing it with a woman, he gets 70% of it. Unless of course, if she’s wearing a white t-shirt, he gets 100% of it.”
Hey, there ya go. That one sums it up nicely, you’ve got the homophobia, the misogyny and the objectification right there in one rule!
Ok, I could go on, but we both know that there’s only a few main themes going on here:
1. Men are always on the brink of homosexuality, if you’re not careful a poorly timed butt pat could lead to glitter and rainbows for life.
2. Women are base creatures, incapable of intelligence, and undeserving of power, freedom or respect.
3. Women have boobies and that’s the only reason we keep them.
Did I get it right? Assclowns?
In conclusion, your site breeds the kind of fuck-faced shitheads who prompted the popped collar, backwards caps, beer pong, Girls Gone Wild, the programming on MTV, ankle socks, tribal/barbed wire bicep tattoos, Facebook, girls who kiss each other so boys will like them, Abercrombie and Fitch, Maxim magazine, and the rampant overuse of the terms “bra”, “hoss”, “cochise”, “brosef”, “chief”, “dogg”, “hella”, “money”, “brewski” and “You my boy, Blue. You my boy”.
You’re idiot douchebags, nothing you do is manly. Seek out some advice from real men.
Signed,
Reality
P.S. Oh, and thanks for Dane Cook. Thanks a fuckin’ bunch.
